I’ve been searching for the right words for months. My silence probably spoke louder than anything I could have said. But especially now, in the middle of a pandemic, spelling it out seems important.
Nothing stays the same. Everything changes all the time. I want to hold on to what was, find comfort and control in looking for a way back. And yet, I know better. The flow of life is made of all its little and big births and deaths. It’s the most inevitable truth yet the hardest to surrender to.
I could remain in the dream by turning it into a nightmare. Cling on to the beauty of what I did the only way I know how, by beating myself up that I’m not making it anymore. Turn it into a failure because maybe then it’s something I can fix, revert it back into a success. But the only true way I honor it, the only true way it remains successful, is by letting it be without needing it to be continued. What was then is not what is now, and that’s ok.
The proper way to do this is to say thank you. That’s how I acknowledge that I am and always will be proud of myself for being Rain Robert. For being both so vulnerable and so reckless. For daring beyond my wildest dreams in search of truth. And for receiving so much validation in return. Not through adoration but through the sharing of truth. Every interaction, whether answered or not, has taught me a lesson in reciprocity. We are all in the same boat, alive on this planet at the same time. And yet so many of us are just unseen beacons, silently blazing in the night, disconnected from the chain of connection. If our connection is not what unites us, then it’s definitely our disconnection that does.
I still seek answers. I still seek solutions. I still seek expression. I still seek connection. I always will. I’m just not doing it in the same way anymore. Not right now anyway. Goodbye is a very definitive word, one that feels as untrue as saying I’m still here. I’m somewhere in the middle, as anyone else is, walking down the path of their own journey, unsure of where their feet are taking them yet going there nonetheless.
To all those who were touched by my words or videos, thank you for letting me speak to you. My life is forever changed by the extraordinary adventure this turned out to be.
I wish us all to continue unraveling ourselves to the barest threads of who we are, so that our physical or metaphysical nakedness can remind us that we are beauty, we are art, we are life.