Sometimes I start recording myself out of defiance.
Defy my mood, lifelessness, dullness, sadness, everyday repression and depression.
Defy my fear of not being good enough, not pretty enough, not confident enough, not talented enough, not skilled enough, nothing enough.
Defy non-existence, the kind that comes from inside, black hole vacuum, no feedback.
Defy not feeling, being locked out of my own body, lost my keys, can’t get back in, ruptured like my mind is floating away while the shore awaits in vain the return of the waves.
I don’t know how to prevent these states from happening to me. And once they’re in play, I can’t make them go away, I have to work with them. My work is me working with myself.
Defy what seems to be and see what can be created.