On too much
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m sharing too much. Too many images, too many words, too much skin, too much truth.
Paradoxically, I think the solution to feeling like you’ve shared too much is to share more. So what if I’ve done something that’s misinterpretable, I can always keep clarifying.
I think that’s what I do with my work. By putting it out there and making myself deal with whatever happens.
I have been sitting on another video + blog entry, shot and written before the naked truths. To upload or not to upload… If that is the question, then I think I’m starting to know the answer.
Sometimes my videos are more beautiful than other times.
There are also pieces like Bloom that come out of a vision in my mind, in this case inspired by the dress. There I really try to be in control of the image. Even if ropping a phone to a ceiling fan came with a lot of challenges to someone with a bad case of vertigo.
And then there’s this piece, which I haven’t decided if I should share yet, that’s just kinda raw and chaotic and not so pretty at all.
I guess because my subject is myself as a sexual woman, I’m very concerned with beauty. I see what I’ve just written as an effort to justify why some videos aren’t as beautiful, as if I believed all my videos needed to be. But do they? Does female sexuality need to be presented beautifully to be agreeable? Does a woman need to be beautiful to be sexual?
The thing is, this is another piece of my truth. Getting irrepressibly horny at a cafe and pursuing the pleasure in the first place possible. Capturing it with my camera because somehow it means something to me. Being in this state means something to me. Allowing myself to touch the part of me that is crying out to be touched means something to me. Wanting to show myself as sexually ignited to the world means something to me.
So there, Spontaneous combustion (explicit sexuality NSFW 18+)