One of my main goals with Patreon is to create a more sustainable context for my work. So that I can invest myself more deeply into my next ideas.
As I’ve stated before, I didn’t really see this path before. But now that it’s in front of me, I wanna see where it takes me. But I can’t just half-ass it, I need to commit to it. That’s why I’m so obsessed with this next step. Because Vimeo won’t change their mind. And Pornhub isn’t an actual solution.
The idea of changing porn from within is still interesting to me. But at the same time I have to distance myself from porn in order to be accepted in places like Vimeo and Patreon.
So what would be a solution? Right now, I’m back to the idea of hosting my videos myself. I’m still not sure if it makes sense, but it’s the only thing I can think of. So that I don’t have to worry about guidelines. And I don’t have to surrender the rights of my creations. And I don’t have to be just another girl on a website full of them. And I don’t have to choose whether my video is worth $4.99 or $9.99.
I have so many ideas of where I could take my work. So many things I would like to heal and explore. But as long as I don’t have a sustainable, safe context, I’m not gonna be able to go there.
I’ve even switched jobs this fall, to one that hopefully will leave me more energy to make videos. This was really not an easy thing for me. New environments are always the hardest to handle, in maintaining enough inner safety to fend off panic attacks. But I’m not kidding when I say I want to be on this path.