For the first time since November, I made a new video. One that I would like to upload on Vimeo. If I could.
Fluttering around my heart, cheeks on fire, breath caught. It’s been so long now, it’s too late, I fucked up, I failed. Wanting to have nothing to do with this. Need to do anything but deal with this. Oh, wait a minute, I know what this is. Avoidance. Shoot, try to remember what to do with avoidance. Love. Right, easy. Love love love. I can still love myself. I can still love myself no matter what happens. I can love myself so much that I don’t need to flee from this. I can stay right here with it. Breathe out. Breathe in. Action. Action is love too. Ok, I can do this.
I will call them. I’ve been wanting to all this time. Open computer, get to page Contact us. Fuck, I can’t call them. Vimeo does not have a number. Ok, no problem, so I will write to them. Again. Don’t assume this is over. Don’t give up. Let’s try this one more time.
My account was removed in November 2016. I wrote back to you twice right after that but never heard back. My account had also been removed back in July but then had been re-instated after videos that were violating the guidelines were taken off. I had tried to stay within what I understood was acceptable but the removal in November tells me I didn’t and for that I am sorry. It took me this long to find the courage to contact you again in hope of getting a response.
I understand that Vimeo does not have a responsibility to interact with me, it would just mean so much to me if I could resolve this experience in a more open way. In an ideal world, I would like for my account to be re-instated like it was in July, this time with all videos containing nudity removed. I can find another platform for those, but I would love to stay on Vimeo for my other work, which really is about existing in the world. I realize I could just start a new account for those, but I haven’t because the relationship I have with my original account has become part of my project.
On that note, if you choose not to reinstate my account, I would like to know if it is possible to retrieve the statistics and mostly the messages from the account, as they are meaningful to my project.
I realize that I have failed Vimeo’s guidelines and that may be why you have chosen to stop interacting with me. But I am a human being and this experience has, and still is impacting me on an emotional level. I would so appreciate an answer, even if only to tell me to stop writing to you.
Thank you very much for your time and understanding.
Tears dropping on the keyboard. I guess I’d become numb to how much this is still affecting me.
Plan A. Get my account back. Because of the followers, of course, and the stats, but also the comments, the history. And the messages, the miracle of human interactions. This MEANS something to my project. This means something to ME. I want it back. I won’t ever use it again for anything that even resembles a reference to sexuality, but I want it back anyway.
Plan B. Vimeo keeps ghosting me. I can’t control what I can’t control. Did my best gotta leave the rest. Start new account, start fresh.
Wow. What a day.