On hearing voices

Why on earth should the sound of my own voice make me even more insecure than the sight of my own naked flesh? I mean seriously, wtf?

When we say this person’s voice has been stifled, we ain’t fucking kidding. Not just a metaphorical voice, the actual vocal chord emitted voice! Oh so very little mermaid like.

I only just recently started enjoying the sound of my voice. I think I got there because my project makes me feel like I have an interesting voice. But still, when I had the thought, maybe I should record myself reading my posts, my initial reaction was oh hell no, not a good idea. Which of course is how I knew I had to do it. If I am to break free of my (a)shamedness, I have to stop buying into it.

Racing pulse. I can’t believe I’m more comfortable having my orgasms on the Internet than my spoken voice… How crazy is that?!

Oh well. In the spirit of manifesting myself fully and for the reclaiming of what has been silenced, here is me, reading me:

On broken records, read

 

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8 thoughts on “On hearing voices

  1. I understand where you are coming from, since I hate the sound of my own voice. I like the deepness of it, but not My annunciation. There was a time when that was different but perhaps I got lazy! I do think you are being hard on yourself. It is great that this is another thing you are conquering, but I think most people would have the same disillusionment. But I understand. And for what its worth, I have been curious myself, and I think you have a nice voice and is somewhat the way I thought it would be! I played this now on my way home on some dark and quiet streets. It was a nice companion 😄

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    1. Isn’t it interesting how much of a thing this voice image is? (I guess I should say this voice sound!) I mean, we all know about body image, whether or not we talk about it. But voice? That’s not really something that gets talked about, even though it’s in everything we speak out loud. I asked in the other post, what does the world look like when we don’t hate ourselves? (substitute ‘hate’ with any other tempered word) and I can’t help but wonder how voice fits into this. We go through so much scrambling, so much meddling, so much choking. I’ve gotten to a point where I think it’s a miracle when we recognize ourselves in the mirror. Maybe it can be just as much of a miracle when we get to hear ourselves in the sound of our own voice…

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  2. Very interesting point. Your other post was indeed very interesting. But I suspect you are right about ‘the voice’. I wonder if it has to do with all the ways we claim to give a ‘voice’ to something that doesn’t actually have one? Mountains whispering a wind….that is a voice. The ‘voice’ of the forgotten…distressed or displaced people…that sort of thing. The voice is a powerful tool in silence and in speaking, so I think you are on an interesting track with this one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmm, yes, I guess using the word voice as a verb, as in voicing something. That’s more than speaking, more than telling somehow. It conveys an idea of embodying by sound, materializing, manifesting… And then of course, the follow up point is, what is a voice being used for? A friend recently shared a quote from Brené Brown about people who criticize a lot that said: “They often struggled with feeling dismissed and invisible in their own lives. Criticizing was a way to be heard.” (from Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead) Fascinating how the way something shows up can be a way to cover up what doesn’t want to said.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That is a very interesting concept. It feels very apt to me now actually for reasons I won’t go in to. I always appreciate these discussions. You have a keen mind and I enjoy your observations

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