The proper way

I’ve been searching for the right words for months. My silence probably spoke louder than anything I could have said. But especially now, in the middle of a pandemic, spelling it out seems important.

Nothing stays the same. Everything changes all the time. I want to hold on to what was, find comfort and control in looking for a way back. And yet, I know better. The flow of life is made of all its little and big births and deaths. It’s the most inevitable truth yet the hardest to surrender to.

I could remain in the dream by turning it into a nightmare. Cling on to the beauty of what I did the only way I know how, by beating myself up that I’m not making it anymore. Turn it into a failure because maybe then it’s something I can fix, revert it back into a success. But the only true way I honor it, the only true way it remains successful, is by letting it be without needing it to be continued. What was then is not what is now, and that’s ok.

The proper way to do this is to say thank you. That’s how I acknowledge that I am and always will be proud of myself for being Rain Robert. For being both so vulnerable and so reckless. For daring beyond my wildest dreams in search of truth. And for receiving so much validation in return. Not through adoration but through the sharing of truth. Every interaction, whether answered or not, has taught me a lesson in reciprocity. We are all in the same boat, alive on this planet at the same time. And yet so many of us are just unseen beacons, silently blazing in the night, disconnected from the chain of connection. If our connection is not what unites us, then it’s definitely our disconnection that does.

I still seek answers. I still seek solutions. I still seek expression. I still seek connection. I always will. I’m just not doing it in the same way anymore. Not right now anyway. Goodbye is a very definitive word, one that feels as untrue as saying I’m still here. I’m somewhere in the middle, as anyone else is, walking down the path of their own journey, unsure of where their feet are taking them yet going there nonetheless.

To all those who were touched by my words or videos, thank you for letting me speak to you. My life is forever changed by the extraordinary adventure this turned out to be.

I wish us all to continue unraveling ourselves to the barest threads of who we are, so that our physical or metaphysical nakedness can remind us that we are beauty, we are art, we are life.

Thank you.

4 thoughts on “The proper way

  1. One of the hardest emotions for me to make peace with is vulnerability. It is so debilitating to feel this way and it pervades every corner of the psyche. Over time I have come to the realization that maybe, just maybe the only way to get past it is to move on. To not let the feelings engulf or overwhelm you. They can’t if you don’t put yourself in a situation to care about them anymore. Of course its not simple, and it still hurts but over time the choice to move on inevitably feels right, and I won’t say hope, because I know you WILL find new ways of expression and it will feel right and be invigorating to you.

    I have been moved and touched and affected by your videos Rain, as well as your words. I have genuinely thought about them from time to time as well as our conversations about them. I view that entire part to be a gift and an absolute joy. I have learned from you and I have been in awe of your expression, both visual and on page. I wish you what is yours in this world and I hope our paths continue to somehow remain connected if only in a small way. All my best to you,
    Robert

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  2. Hi Rain,

    It is great having had the opportunity to meet you. If not in person, still in spirit, text and image. And it is good to move on when it is time to do so. I do hope you find lasting peace and joy in life and restart your creation when you feel fit. Creation can take any form and it is good to break free from your past while acknowledging what was. Because it always will be.

    All the best!

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  3. I have been moved by your words and videos but if you feel it is time to move on then that is what you should do. I have felt priviledged to be able to see your art and thank you for that opportunity. I hope you find fulfillment in whatever you do and maybe we shall see you again one day in the future. Until that time have fun and enjoy life.
    All the very best.

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