My interaction with Resistimpulse made me realize something: not accepting friend requests on Pornhub means I never activated the lines of communication that were open on their own on Vimeo. It’s another symptom of my conflicted use of Pornhub. But this letter is exactly the kind of letter I used to get on Vimeo. It acknowledges the sexuality of my work but speaks of freedom and love. It’s personal and felt and respectful. It’s why I choose to keep my work online, for this kind of reverberation.
The thing is, I’m not using Pornhub to display a fantasy character or a public persona or to make money, I’m trying to use it to be a real person, more real than I would be if I kept my art private. I know how paradoxal this sounds, and I am aware that it might not work, or that it might backfire. And yet I can’t help that this is what I want, what I feel called to do.
So far my Pornhub experience has been mainly positive. I got my most critical comment this weekend (“shut yo hippy ass up you damn well know this aint erotic art”), and despite the shut up, which is most likely an expletive emphasis and not an actual request, it ain’t the worse thing you could say if you disagree with what I do. Of course I‘m concerned about what else might come if I interact more openly but at this point, all the fears are in my head. I don’t actually know that it would happen this way, or only this way. It seems to me that, again, by protecting myself I may not be empowering myself. And I may well be missing out because of it.
There’s only one way to find out. This morning I am accepting all friend requests on Pornhub. I’m opening the lines of communication. I will invest in my profile and see what happens. If I regret it, I can always change my mind. If I have a bad interaction, I need to create better boundaries. If I’m being offered something I don’t want, I will say no. And I will do it my way, following integrity as my north star.